Turn off your phone

If it is off, you are more present. Period.

“Presence” is a theme to many of the thoughts I have on this topic (the topic of How To Be A Dad). Being present matters: it is good for you (us) and good for our kids.

The single biggest barrier to presence in my own life is my smartphone. I can be in the same room, or actively pushing a child on a swing, but if I pull it out, even to just take a quick look at the lock screen, I am no longer present. I’m immediately transported to a different world. That transportation is all the more thorough if I get interrupted by a notification, or decide to unlock the phone and navigate in to slack, or email, or weather, or the Google Discover feed.

I think there’s even a subtle pull on my consciousness when I just have the phone on and in my pocket! I might not even look at it - but the awareness that it could demand my attention (or provide an easy distraction to whatever else is going on) is enough to undermine presence.

The only really effective solution I’ve come up with is to turn the phone off or leave it at home. It works. Turning it back on to check stuff creates too much friction, so I don’t.

This isn’t always possible. During work hours, or when something is going on I need to be aware of even outside of work hours, I can’t turn anything off. But I’m fortunate enough to work a job where true urgency is relatively rare and immediate responses aren’t expected (at least in the evenings and on weekends).

So here’s what I try to do, with some level of success: if I’m running an errand or going out with the kids for a relatively short period of time, I’ll leave my phone at home. And when I’m around the house but don’t need the phone, I’ll turn it off.